just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
