Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
