she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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