I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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