Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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