Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
