Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
