My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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