TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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