he thought i was a dude.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
