bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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