I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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