So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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