Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
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i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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