My balls are so social today.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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