Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
