My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize