I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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