I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
