Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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