I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
