My room smells like vodka and shame
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
