it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I could make wine with my vomit
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
