Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
