I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
