I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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