I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
