He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
40s are totally the cure
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
