I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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