Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
