Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
