I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
