My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize