Its about making memories worth repressing
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
