I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
did i just pee glitter
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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