I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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