I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
