she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
