So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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