you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
