I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
