i can't believe i had my finger in that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
