Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize