Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
