a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize