i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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