Grow some girl-balls and come out already
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Randomize
