We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
