I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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