Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
