my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
