We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize