I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
