She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't notice because vodka
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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