I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
