so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
