got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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