If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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