So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
