Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
