i don't like sucking hair
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
