just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
