That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
