Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
