found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
