I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
