I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize