i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
