I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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