so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
