Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
