One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
