I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
